Is It Early or Late?

Here I am and the clock on the computer says that's it 3:47 am. Jacob woke up about a quarter after 2. Lesley was kind enough to get him out of his room, lay him in bed with us and feed him a bottle. After chugging his bottle, he decided to lay in bed with us and discuss his day's itinerary. He's got a lot going on today; the kid would not be quiet.

He should have a lot going on today. It's the day before his first birthday.

He said he was really excited about going to school today because they're going to have his birthday party. He said he hopes he gets lots of presents from his classmates. I told him that I didn't think his classmates were going to bring him any presents. I said it would more likely be just a cupcake party with some good music. He thought for a minute, and then said that would be all right. He said he's already gotten some good presents from some friends and he'll get enough from the family party this weekend.

I speak fluent baby.

He finally fell back asleep around 3:00, but by then I was so awake from listening to his babble and having him slobber on my face that I couldn't go back to sleep. So, here I am drinking some orange juice and reflecting on how a little ball of fat and bones can so easily take over my bed and my life.

One year old.

Tomorrow.

Amazing.

I will never be the same as I was on November 30, 2006. On December 1, "all was changed, changed utterly. A terrible beauty was born."

Terrible in the sense that my heart will never, ever be inside my body again. I have become so completely vulnerable. I now fear what is worse than death; a living death without my son.

I don't need to explain the beauty of it. I mean, look at him:

Anyway, I just got the low battery warning on the laptop, so that's it for now. Besides, I really don't know that I can say much more than what I've said.

Not Much Going On

So here's some recent pictures:

Some time ago I realized the truth in the fact that the only real problem I have in my life is me. Once I figured that out, honest to God, my stress disappeared.

Something to think about.

Poem of the Week: for Veteran's Day

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McCrae
Written in 1915

Show 'Em You're a Tiger

Poem of the Week

The poem of the week is coming a little late. Sorry. Just been crazy busy. I was feeling a bit romantic, so one would think I would turn to the Romantic Poets of the 18 and 19th centuries. No. Unfortunately, "Romantic" in that sense has a very different meaning. A hint for any guys out there: if you want a poem to woo a lady, you need to look for the Cavalier poets of the 17th century. That's where you'll find the good stuff.

IX: Song: To Celia

by Ben Johnson

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine;

Or leave a kiss but in the cup,

And I'll not look for wine.

The thirst that from the soul doth rise

Doth ask a drink divine;

But might I of Jove's nectar sup,

I would not change for thine.

I sent thee late a rosy wreath,

Not so much honoring thee

As giving it a hope that there

It could not withered be.

But thou thereon didst only breathe

And sentst it back to me;

Since when it grows, and smells, I swear,

Not of itself, but thee.

I need to come up with stuff like this, because I say really stupid things once in a while. A while back, an e-Harmony commercial came on television. I told Lesley we should send our profiles in to see if it would match us up. She asked about what if it wouldn't. I responded, "Well, we haven't been married so long to get that strong of an attachment." WRONG!!!!!

It's times like these when knowing about the Cavalier poets of the 17th century comes in handy.

Poem of the Week

Ode on Solitude
Alexander Pope

Happy the man whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcernedly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mixed; sweet recreation
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

Pictures

I know the reason most people check out the blog is to find out how we're doing and to see pictures of the cutest baby ever. Sorry about the recent rants. I just had some stuff I had to get off my chest.

Anyway, here's some pictures. I'm trying to give a perspective of how much Jacob has grown. The pictures above are Jacob with daddy when he was 1 month old (top) and 6 months old (bottom). It's really hard to remember how small he was when we brought him home. The pictures give a perspective, but to think about holding that little guy in my hands is really difficult.

Below are three pictures. The first one is from when Jacob was 2 months old. To get a perspective on his size, we took his picture next to a piece of looseleaf paper. The next two pictures are of him when he was 2 months old (think looseleaf paper) and his 10 month picture next to the same door.

Yep, he's standing on his own now. All he needs is a hand to hold and he's pulling himself up to look around. He can step his way down the edge of the couch now, too, so we figure walking isn't too far away.

It's just hard to believe that the little bundle of fat and bones we brought home from the hospital that didn't weigh 5 pounds is getting ready to start walking. Amazing really. And fun. I love being a daddy. And being a mother has made Lesley even more beautiful than she was before, which was hard to top. Lesley is the love of my life. Jacob is the fun of my life.

Poem of the Week: Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

Gossip City, The Capitol of Missouri

There's a game I think people should play at parties. It's one that's used a lot in youth groups to teach an important lesson.

You pick three members of your group and send them away. The remaining members make up a story. It could be a story about anything. It doesn't matter. Be imaginitive.

You bring those sent away back one at a time. The first one to come back hears the story from one of the members of the group who made it up. This person who is hearing the story then has to relate the story from memory to the second one to return to the group. The second hearer becomes the next story-teller to the third one sent away, who then has to repeat the story to the original group.

Normally, by the time the story gets back to the original group, it's unrecognizable. It's become so twisted and so many details forgotten, and other "details" filled in, that it's a completely different tale.

This game usually takes about 15 to 20 minutes to play. If this can happen in the space of 20 minutes, with the story only being related to 3 different people, it's no wonder that I've heard rumors about Lesley and I getting married that are completely wrong after they've been through the rumor mill of Jefferson City throughout the last week.

I had dinner with a friend the other night, who informed me that the rumors are that Lesley and I got married in Columbia by Rev. John Prenger and that our reception was at the Capital Plaza Hotel.

The only thing about this that's true is that Lesley and I did get married in Columbia last weekend. Not that it's anybody's business.

I also heard a rumor several weeks ago that I was working at KMart in Jefferson City and am completely miserable. Nothing about that is true. For the record, I'm actually happier now than I can ever remember being in my entire life. And, nothing against KMart, but I don't work there.

Frankly, it surprises and saddens me.

It surprises me because people know the lesson of the story exercise I described above. And yet, no matter how many times the gossip mill of Jefferson City proves to be wrong, people still believe what they hear.

Which leads me to why it saddens me: the reason people still believe what they hear is because they want to believe it. People want "to know." I don't know why. Perhaps people want "to know" because they sincerely care about Lesley and Jacob and me. Or perhaps, for some, people want "to know" for less generous motives. Or perhaps people want "to know" simply because they get some sense of importance out of being able to pass on information that someone else might not know. Whether that information is true or not is completely irrelevant.

In the end, I've decided that it's just not worth me spending a lot of time on. Admittedly, I've spent more time than I should have being angry about all the rumors that have followed me for more than a year now. I guess people are always just going to talk. I hope, though, that people will realize that they shouldn't believe everything they hear. As a matter of fact, people should believe nothing of what they hear, and only half of what they see.

St. Francis de Sales once took a woman who had confessed the sin of gossip up a mountain. Once they were at the top, he opened a feather pillow and allowed the wind to scatter the feathers from the pillow all across the countryside. He then instructed the woman to collect all the feathers. When she responded that she couldn't possibly re-gather all the feathers, he told her that neither could she possibly restore the damage that she had done by her gossiping.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

I've learned so much from Lesley since we started sharing our lives together.

For example, I've definitely learned that there are certain things I should never say again.


For any budding romantics, please take this advice:


10) "You're not fat, you're pregnant." You see, while this seems like you're trying to affirm her, all it really does is cause some really awkward questions about how you've noticed her figure change.


9) "What difference does it make? Do you like the jeans?" She asked the ever fatal question, "Do these make my butt look big?" This was my response...once.

8) Any reference whatsoever to a woman passing gas. For the record, Lesley never passes gas.

7) "Well, you're the one growing thorns on your legs." Lesley wanted to cuddle right up until I said this.

6) I've learned that after you make a stupid comment like the one in number 7, you should never, ever, ever back it up with something like, "Oh, I see you've pulled the weeds," after she's shaved.

5)I've learned, in no uncertain terms, that men do not have the responsibility of making suggestions about breast feeding.

4) It's not that I shouldn't say anything about decorating any room in the house, but that the only thing I need to say is, "Yes, dear." Any more than that is received with one of those gracious smiles and nods of the head.

3) "But I like that shirt. I've had it for like 18 years." It's not that this is necessarily wrong to say, just useless.

2) "Will you marry me?" while she's coming out of the bathroom. Trust me, just don't.

And the number one thing you should never, ever say to a woman (especially your wife)...

1) "No." Need I explain?

Poem of the Week: Magic

To go along with my blog below, I've decided to go with this poem, again by Shel Silverstein, again from the book Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,

Eddie touched a troll,

Laurie danced with witches once,

Charlie found some goblin's gold.

Donald heard a mermaid sing,

Suzie spied an elf,

But all the magic I have known,

I've had to make myself.

My Magic Wand

I found a magic wand the other day. No kidding!

Anyway, this wand, with a wave, turns anything into exactly what I want it to be. Seriously!

The computer at work was running really slow the other day. A wave of the wand and, zap! it was running even more slow.

Now, I initially thought that I wanted the computer to run more quickly, but it didn't. So I thought to myself, "Well, if I waved my wand, and the computer started running more slowly, that must mean I wanted the computer to go more slowly." So I had to ask myself, "Why would I want the computer to run more slowly?"

"It must be," I said to myself, "because I want to go down the hall and visit with Brince (one of our office support staff)." So I went down the hall and had a great talk with Brince about a movie I had just seen on racism in my class at Lincoln. Brince had some great insight into the subject and we had one of the best discussions I've ever had on the subject of racism.

Another example, I waved my magic wand at the ATM machine at my bank in order to fill my bank account with millions of dollars. When I looked at my receipt checking on my balance, there was not millions of dollars in my account. So, again, I said to myself, "I waved my wand to make my bank account have exactly the amount of money that I want in there. Why would I want to have only this amount?"

"Maybe," I answered myself, "I want to have this amount in order to practice self-discipline through budgeting, a skill that can then be utilized in other places in my life." So while I didn't get millions of dollars in my account, I did get exactly what I wanted on a deeper level.

So you see, the way the wand works is: If I wave it in order to change something, and the thing doesn't change, then I must want whatever it is to be exactly the way it is. So then I have to deepen my understanding of myself about why whatever it is I want to change is actually exactly the way it's supposed to be, the best of all possibilities. And that makes me happy with things just the way they are.

I like my magic wand. There are times in my life I've gotten what I asked for, but not what I really wanted. With my magic wand, I will always get exactly what I want, even if it's not what I ask for.

So what it comes down to is faith in the magic that even though things on the surface might not be the way I would like them to be, they are the way they should be for me at this time in my life. Then, after faith, it takes understanding why these things really are the way they should be, and I learn to be happy with them for what they are.

I'm going to wave my wand now so that everyone can have a magic wand just like mine; so that everyone can make things exactly the way they want them to be, even if things are not the way they would ask them to be.

New Feature: Poem of the Week: Hug O' War

I will not play at tug o' war.

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

where everone hugs

instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

and rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

and everyone wins.

By: Shel Silverstein

From: Where the Sidewalk Ends

Sometimes I Wonder

There are a few things that have me flabbergasted.

Some of them seem to stand out.

I had to go to the DMV in Columbia this week. I went on Tuesday, stopping by during a break at work. 50 people standing in line; 1 person working behind the counter. I waited 45 minutes until I had to go back to work. Admittedly, it was lunch time. So I thought I would go back during a break in the middle of the afternoon thinking that the line would have thinned because of people like me getting back to work.

Nope.

Two and a half hours later, there were 60 people in line; 1 person working at the counter.

I decided to skip out of work 10 minutes early so I could get there right before they closed. Nothing doing. They closed 5 minutes early.

So I went back the next morning, deciding to call in late for work so that I could get everything done. The doors opened with about 10 people waiting outside. 4 people working behind the counter.

Where were all these DMV empoyees Tuesday?

And how do people in Columbia get anything done? No offense my Columbia readers, but I mean, geeze. Seriously, how do you people get anything done?

I told my tale of woe to a coworker who lives in Columbia. This person said to me, "Oh yeah, whenever I need to do anything with the DMV, I take the day off work."

Wow.

That's all I can say about that.

To be honest, Jefferson City's ain't all that much better.

So, one of the things that most amazes me is the DMV.

Anyway, I had to go to the DMV because I bought a motorcycle.

I'm a little bit twisted. I'll admit it.

I do things to Jacob just to see how he reacts.

For example, there is a little, yellow, rubber ducky that he loves to play with and chew on in the bathtub. I'll take it away from him and set it across the little child's tub he sits in just to see what he does. He gets so mad and starts splashing water everywhere.

The even more twisted part is, I think it's funny.

Jacob is starting to focus on things, not only visually, but mentally as well. For example, the other day he was wanting to chew on the cable from the controller to the Playstation. Lesley and I spent about five minutes trying to distract him from it. We presented him other toys, carried him across the room, and tried to hold him and cuddle him to get him to leave the cable alone.

He wanted that cable, by golly, and he was gonna get it. No matter what we did, he fought it. He would take the toy and toss it aside. We would carry him across the room; he would crawl right back. We tried to cuddle him in a different room; he would twist and squirm until we let him down. And then he started to crawl back to the living room! He wanted that cable!

That's a very good sign of development. It's called "permanence of memory." It means that he's beginning to create mental images of what he wants instead of just wanting whatever happens to be in front of him.

Anyway, there isn't much activity on the homefront. We just keep plugging away at life.

Healthy Baby

Jacob had a regular doctor's visit this week. He's a healthy little guy. The doctor's words were something to the order of: "I'm really impressed with how well he's doing."

The low-down is basically this: Jacob is 8 months old. He was 7 weeks early. His adjusted age is only 6 1/2 months old then. The doctor said that he is doing things that 9 month olds usually do.

Can you tell I'm a proud daddy?

He is amazing. A long time ago, Lesley and I were visiting some friends. The mom in the family told us, "You know, you hear people talk about having a kid as 'miraculous', 'life changing', 'fulfilling', 'amazing'. The fact is having a kid is fun." She was dead on.

Oh, and by the way, the doctor said one more ear infection and he's getting tubes. Doc asked which color would we like. He was serious.

I've Been Thinking...

Lesley and I were talking the other day about God's omniscience and human free will. You know, the kind of thing most people talk about on the way to the grocery store.


Anyway, we were discussing how human free will works with God being omniscient, and it occurred to me that God is like a GPS tracker.


When we were on vacation in San Diego, we rented a car and got a GPS computer to show us around San Diego. The GPS guided us through San Diego. "In 1 mile, turn right," it would say. Or, "In .2 miles, stay left." Or, "In 1 mile, turn right and arrive at destination." (This last part was usually pronounced in a very smug voice, as if this little box were very proud of itself fro having guided us correctly.)

Every once in a while, because of traffic or maybe because there was something up ahead that looked interesting, we weren't able or chose not to follow the directions of the GPS. Then the machine would flash, "Revising Route." It would then change the directions it would give us in order to guide us back to where we were supposed to be.


That's a lot like how God's omniscience and human free will work. God knows the way we are supposed to go, and is constantly giving us directions because he sees the whole path we are supposed to take. We, however, are driving the vehicle, and so we have control over whether we follow God's directions. If we can't, or more often, choose not to follow God's lead, he revises our route, and faithfully begins to give us new directions to get us back on track.


God is faithful, and will always be there to guide us, even when we take turns, or refuse to turn, when he tells us to do something else.


GPS: God's Positioning System.


Anyway, here's pictures of the baby:

Sick Again

Little guy is sick again. He's been running a fever and screaming at night. It's not very fun. But he's still really cute.

See:

It's Official

Jacob is crawling. Not just the scooching, lunging, rolling that he's been doing. He got up on all fours and moved his little arms and legs.

Watching him develop is the most amazing thing.

Being a parent is just fun.

Everything Is Good

As Shannon pointed out in the comments, everything is good in our world. Life is pretty routine these days.

There is a great line in the Simpson's episode "A Milhouse Divided". This is the episode in which Milhouse's parents get a divorce. Homer is talking to Milhouse's dad, who is warning Homer not to take his marriage to Marge for granted. Homer responds completely confident in his relationship with Marge, "Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken: a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine."

That's pretty much our life right now. We're going to work, coming home, spending our evenings together, visiting friends occasionally, and pretty much following the routine.We're trying hard to keep Jacob on a schedule, but when we think we've got it down (he's going to bed at 8:30 pretty regularly), he goes and decides to stay up and play until 11:00. He's kind of funny that way. We keep working with him, to regularize his schedule. It's actually kind of fun.

Speaking of The Simpson's, I loved the movie. Oh man, I laughed for an hour and a half.

Anyway, that's it from Jamie, Lesley and Jacob-land.

I put a disclaimer about placing comments on the blog over in the side bar. If you want to leave a comment, make sure you see that first.