A Turn in The Road

About 5 years ago, I and a friend had stopped riding with a Christian motorcycle ministry group. We were frustrated. The group met monthly, gathering in the basement of a local church and talking about all the ministry opportunities that were available. We were frustrated that it seemed like all they did was talk. We decided to form our own Christian motorcycle ministry, and designed a back patch to be worn whose centerpiece was the Chi-Rho symbol, an ancient symbol of Christ. The story goes that Constantine on the eve of a battle in which his troops were hopelessly outnumbered saw the Chi-Rho symbol in the sky and heard the words, “In this sign conquer.” He instructed his troops to paint the symbol on their shields. They did so, and won the battle the next day. According to the myth, this led to the conversion of Constantine and the legalization of Christianity.  I went so far as to get a tattoo of the Chi-Rho symbol on my arm, surrounded by the words, “IN HOC SIGNO VINCES” (“In this sign conquer”).

Needless to say, that fledgling attempt at forming my own motorcycle ministry didn’t work out.

Longing for fellowship and friendship with other bikers, I met New Breed Clean and Sober Motorcycle Club. I loved these guys. It was 2009, and in order to be a member, I had to have a full year of no alcohol consumption, so I gave up drinking any alcohol at all, and became a hang around. In 2010, I completed that first year of no alcohol use, and I was voted in as a prospect. In 2011, I received my full patch status. I love my New Breed Brothers.

About six months ago, I was trolling on the internet and found the website for Catholic Cross Bearers Motorcycle Ministry (CCBMM). Their back patch, called “the colors” in the motorcycling world, has as its centerpiece the Chi-Rho symbol. Coincidence number 1.

I read the website, and noticed they didn’t have any presence in Missouri. I briefly toyed with the idea of turning in my New Breed colors and asking to be a member of this Catholic motorcycle group, but I loved the bond of brotherhood I have with New Breed, and I love my New Breed brothers, so I quickly dismissed the idea.

Every-once-in-a-while, the thought would return, but I really wasn’t interested in leaving my brothers. I love my brothers in New Breed. The thought of turning in my New Breed colors and asking to join CCBMM kept getting stronger and stronger, so I stopped looking at the CCBMM Facebook page and put it out of my mind. I even changed my notification settings so that I wouldn’t get notifications when someone from CCBMM posted something. I did not want to leave New Breed and the Brothers I had found there, and I hated that feeling of having a split desire.

The thought would not leave me though. It became the kind of thought that was like a car alarm blaring outside my window. I was able to focus on other things, but I was always aware of it there in the background. Months went by like this, with that thought nagging at me. So a few weeks ago, I decided to take it into prayer.

I prayed pretty hard about it, and the thought just kept returning that this is what God wants me to do. I’ve been telling God that I don’t want to leave my brothers in New Breed. I went to Mass one Saturday morning. The gospel reading for that Saturday was about how some of John the Baptist’s disciples were getting upset that Jesus and his disciples were baptizing, and drawing larger crowds than John. John responded with that well-known response, “He must increase, while I must decrease.” The priest’s homily that day was about how ultimately our will must decrease to allow for the Lord’s work in our lives. We are called to total dedication to the mission of Christ and total submission to his will. Christ must increase, while we must decrease. Coincidence number 2.

I continued to take it to prayer. “Lord, I don’t want to turn in my colors. I love New Breed. But I want to do what you want me to do,” I prayed. One day, while at work, this was on my mind. When I had a brief break at work, I prayed, “Lord, what do you want me to do.” On my Facebook page was a notification that someone had posted from CCBMM. I don’t know why it was there, because, remember, I had turned off the notification settings so that I would stop receiving notifications when anyone from CCBMM posted something. I didn’t want to see what they were posting because I didn’t want to confront that feeling that God was probably asking me to give up New Breed. The notification was someone reposting the daily quote from Pope Francis, which was, “Put on Christ!” The quote went on, but repeated the words, “Put on Christ!” several times. Coincidence number 3.

I continued to pray, asking the Lord for guidance. The mission of Catholic Cross Bearers Motorcycle Ministry is “to bring the love of Jesus to the streets and those imprisoned.” On The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord, the priest’s homily was on the universal call to holiness. He talked about our baptismal call to share in the work of Christ and the challenge to be totally dedicated to his mission on earth. He made special emphasis on the idea of the baptismal garment and being clothed in Christ, covered by Him. What’s more, the first reading from the prophet Isaiah said, “I (the Lord) formed you, and set you as a covenant of the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes of the blind, to bring out prisoners from confinement, and from the dungeon, those who live in darkness.” Those words stood out in 3-D to me, and the words of the CCBMM mission were echoing in my head. Coincidence number 4.

I tried to explain to God that I was the chaplain of New Breed, which is a terrific ministry opportunity. I was happy being his servant in New Breed. “Why,” I asked God, “would You be asking me to give up being Your servant to my brothers? I am happy,” I said, “and able to bring Your presence to these guys.” During my Holy Hour each Tuesday morning, I pray over the Sunday scriptures. The scriptures for that upcoming Sunday were all about being a witness to Christ and his presence in the world. I was praying over them in the adoration chapel and the words from Isaiah in the first reading yelled at me, “It is too little, says the Lord, for you to be my servant.” Instead, Isaiah goes on, we are called in His Church to be a light to the nations. I am not called to be comfortable being his servant in my little surroundings, staying safely within my comfort zone. No, God wants me to reach out to those who don’t know Him, not just be comfortable with a bunch of guys who make it their purpose in recovery to submit themselves to His will. Coincidence number 5.

There in the early Tuesday morning quiet of my “prayer closet” in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I asked, exasperated, “God, are you REALLY calling me to do this?”

That same Tuesday evening, I was driving to the Pregnancy Help Center Board meeting. Who should pull up next to me at a stop light but Fr. Joe Corel, Vocation Director of the Diocese of Jefferson City. On the driver side door of his car was a magnetic sign that said, “God May Be Calling You.” Crap. Coincidence number 6.

I said, “Ok God, I want to be your servant and a servant of the Church. If this is truly what you want, I will do it. I don’t want to leave New Breed MC. I love those guys. So if you want me to be your servant by joining CCBMM, I will. It’s just hard for me.”

On Wednesday, the very next day, I attended the funeral of Joe Viet, long time parishioner and living saint of St. Andrew Parish in Holts Summit. Mnsgr. Higley’s homily was a beautiful reflection on the challenge that Joe presented to us in his life. He was a true servant of the Church, dedicating himself to loving his neighbor, everyone he met. He would go out of his way and consistently make personal sacrifices because he loved Jesus so much. If he wasn’t found in prayer, he was found in service, and this is what made him such a good leader within the community. Joe’s life challenges us all, Mnsgr. Higley preached, to be true servants of the Church in everything that we do, and in every situation in which we find ourselves. Joe’s life challenges us to put all that we have and all that we are to the service of Christ and His Holy Church. Coincidence number 7.

I started praying about the mission of the Catholic Cross Bearers, to take the message of Jesus to the streets and those imprisoned. I thought, God, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. After praying this, I went to Mass on Saturday morning, and saw an old friend that I hadn’t seen in years. He told me that he was in town because of a REC weekend. REC stands for Residents Encounter Christ, and is a prison ministry. I laughed out loud. Literally. I started laughing. My friend looked at me funny. I hugged him and told him I would be in touch. Coincidence number 8.

At one point during all of this, I called the president of my New Breed charter to talk to him about what I was thinking. He said 2 things. First, he wanted me to do what I think would make me happy. Second, he said, being the only member of CCBMM in Missouri, and trying to get a chapter started is incredibly hard, and he was concerned I would be disappointed if it failed. I took these things to prayer. That Sunday, again, the responsorial psalm proclaimed, “…to do Your will, o God, is my delight…” The interesting thing is, the version at mass that was used paraphrased these words, “Doing that (God’s will) is what has made me happy.” Then Mnsgr. Higley’s homily focused on a verse of the first reading that wasn’t included in the normal scriptures. The reading for that Sunday was about how we are to proclaim God to the nations, and be his witness to the world. The verse that was missing was this, “Though I thought I had toiled in vain, for nothing and for naught spent my strength, Yet my right is with the LORD, my recompense is with my God.” Mnsgr. Higley talked about how Isaiah, in this verse, felt like a complete failure. He focused on how, while Isaiah felt this way, Isaiah continued to be faithful to the mission he was given. Mnsgr. Higley talked about that famous quote from Mother Therese, “God doesn’t ask us to be successful. He asks us to be faithful.” Coincidence number 9.

A priest once said to me, “There are no coincidences. Only God-incidences.”

I believe that. The way the readings were aligned and the words that spoke to me from them, the events, like the similarity of the ministry patches, the Facebook notification I shouldn’t have gotten, Fr. Joe Corel with his car sign and saint Joe Viet’s funeral and Mnsgr. Higley’s beautiful reflection on that Man of the Church, and then him preaching on a verse of the reading that wasn't even supposed to be included, and it speaking directly to my questions...God is speaking to me His will. There are no coincidences, only God-incidences.

I knew what I had to do, but was loathe to do it, and delayed as much as I could. Then came the readings for the next Sunday. Jesus called Peter, Andrew, James and John, and “immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him.” No more excuses, God said to me. So Sunday morning I took my colors to the president of my charter, and am no longer a member of New Breed Clean and Sober Motorcycle Club.

Turning in my New Breed colors is incredibly hard. I really love those guys. New Breed Motorcycle Club is a Clean and Sober club. The majority of the guys in the Club are working some sort of program for recovery. A fundamental principle of recovery is that our will has run riot, and so in order to be truly happy and healthy, we must submit our will to The Will of our Higher Power, as we understand it. The 3^rd Step Prayer from the Big Book of AA goes like this:

God, I offer myself to Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!

It’s kind of ironic really, that to be true to one of the fundamental principles of recovery, principles upon which New Breed Clean and Sober MC are founded, I had to turn in my NBMC colors. I hope that my club brothers can understand this. I want to continue to support my New Breed brothers in everything they do. I love them. Nothing is going to change that. I want to be able still to ride with them when I can, attend and support their activities when I can, just be with them when I can, even if it’s just hanging out for coffee on a Saturday morning. I hope they will still accept me as a friend and supporter of the Club.

The bottom line is I believe with conviction that God is calling me to take up the ministry of CCBMM, to help it become a presence in Missouri.

So here I go on an adventure that I hope is led by the Lord. What attracts me most to riding my motorcycle is the sense of adventure on the open road, where anything could happen. People will say that the journey only makes sense if there is a destination. Those people aren’t real bikers. The destination for me is the road itself. Just to be out there, riding, and seeing what is next in store. I know that if I follow the map laid out for me by the Great Map Maker, I will eventually arrive where I am supposed to be. In faith, I don’t have to see the destination. In faith, all I have to do is follow the road that is before me, one turn at a time. Being a biker is a nearly perfect analogy for this pilgrimage we call life. That’s why I so love this prayer, written by Thomas Merton:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that

I think I am following Your will does not necessarily mean that I am

actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You

does in fact please You.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if do this You will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost

And in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for You are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.