Gossip City, The Capitol of Missouri

There's a game I think people should play at parties. It's one that's used a lot in youth groups to teach an important lesson.

You pick three members of your group and send them away. The remaining members make up a story. It could be a story about anything. It doesn't matter. Be imaginitive.

You bring those sent away back one at a time. The first one to come back hears the story from one of the members of the group who made it up. This person who is hearing the story then has to relate the story from memory to the second one to return to the group. The second hearer becomes the next story-teller to the third one sent away, who then has to repeat the story to the original group.

Normally, by the time the story gets back to the original group, it's unrecognizable. It's become so twisted and so many details forgotten, and other "details" filled in, that it's a completely different tale.

This game usually takes about 15 to 20 minutes to play. If this can happen in the space of 20 minutes, with the story only being related to 3 different people, it's no wonder that I've heard rumors about Lesley and I getting married that are completely wrong after they've been through the rumor mill of Jefferson City throughout the last week.

I had dinner with a friend the other night, who informed me that the rumors are that Lesley and I got married in Columbia by Rev. John Prenger and that our reception was at the Capital Plaza Hotel.

The only thing about this that's true is that Lesley and I did get married in Columbia last weekend. Not that it's anybody's business.

I also heard a rumor several weeks ago that I was working at KMart in Jefferson City and am completely miserable. Nothing about that is true. For the record, I'm actually happier now than I can ever remember being in my entire life. And, nothing against KMart, but I don't work there.

Frankly, it surprises and saddens me.

It surprises me because people know the lesson of the story exercise I described above. And yet, no matter how many times the gossip mill of Jefferson City proves to be wrong, people still believe what they hear.

Which leads me to why it saddens me: the reason people still believe what they hear is because they want to believe it. People want "to know." I don't know why. Perhaps people want "to know" because they sincerely care about Lesley and Jacob and me. Or perhaps, for some, people want "to know" for less generous motives. Or perhaps people want "to know" simply because they get some sense of importance out of being able to pass on information that someone else might not know. Whether that information is true or not is completely irrelevant.

In the end, I've decided that it's just not worth me spending a lot of time on. Admittedly, I've spent more time than I should have being angry about all the rumors that have followed me for more than a year now. I guess people are always just going to talk. I hope, though, that people will realize that they shouldn't believe everything they hear. As a matter of fact, people should believe nothing of what they hear, and only half of what they see.

St. Francis de Sales once took a woman who had confessed the sin of gossip up a mountain. Once they were at the top, he opened a feather pillow and allowed the wind to scatter the feathers from the pillow all across the countryside. He then instructed the woman to collect all the feathers. When she responded that she couldn't possibly re-gather all the feathers, he told her that neither could she possibly restore the damage that she had done by her gossiping.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

I've learned so much from Lesley since we started sharing our lives together.

For example, I've definitely learned that there are certain things I should never say again.


For any budding romantics, please take this advice:


10) "You're not fat, you're pregnant." You see, while this seems like you're trying to affirm her, all it really does is cause some really awkward questions about how you've noticed her figure change.


9) "What difference does it make? Do you like the jeans?" She asked the ever fatal question, "Do these make my butt look big?" This was my response...once.

8) Any reference whatsoever to a woman passing gas. For the record, Lesley never passes gas.

7) "Well, you're the one growing thorns on your legs." Lesley wanted to cuddle right up until I said this.

6) I've learned that after you make a stupid comment like the one in number 7, you should never, ever, ever back it up with something like, "Oh, I see you've pulled the weeds," after she's shaved.

5)I've learned, in no uncertain terms, that men do not have the responsibility of making suggestions about breast feeding.

4) It's not that I shouldn't say anything about decorating any room in the house, but that the only thing I need to say is, "Yes, dear." Any more than that is received with one of those gracious smiles and nods of the head.

3) "But I like that shirt. I've had it for like 18 years." It's not that this is necessarily wrong to say, just useless.

2) "Will you marry me?" while she's coming out of the bathroom. Trust me, just don't.

And the number one thing you should never, ever say to a woman (especially your wife)...

1) "No." Need I explain?

Poem of the Week: Magic

To go along with my blog below, I've decided to go with this poem, again by Shel Silverstein, again from the book Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,

Eddie touched a troll,

Laurie danced with witches once,

Charlie found some goblin's gold.

Donald heard a mermaid sing,

Suzie spied an elf,

But all the magic I have known,

I've had to make myself.

My Magic Wand

I found a magic wand the other day. No kidding!

Anyway, this wand, with a wave, turns anything into exactly what I want it to be. Seriously!

The computer at work was running really slow the other day. A wave of the wand and, zap! it was running even more slow.

Now, I initially thought that I wanted the computer to run more quickly, but it didn't. So I thought to myself, "Well, if I waved my wand, and the computer started running more slowly, that must mean I wanted the computer to go more slowly." So I had to ask myself, "Why would I want the computer to run more slowly?"

"It must be," I said to myself, "because I want to go down the hall and visit with Brince (one of our office support staff)." So I went down the hall and had a great talk with Brince about a movie I had just seen on racism in my class at Lincoln. Brince had some great insight into the subject and we had one of the best discussions I've ever had on the subject of racism.

Another example, I waved my magic wand at the ATM machine at my bank in order to fill my bank account with millions of dollars. When I looked at my receipt checking on my balance, there was not millions of dollars in my account. So, again, I said to myself, "I waved my wand to make my bank account have exactly the amount of money that I want in there. Why would I want to have only this amount?"

"Maybe," I answered myself, "I want to have this amount in order to practice self-discipline through budgeting, a skill that can then be utilized in other places in my life." So while I didn't get millions of dollars in my account, I did get exactly what I wanted on a deeper level.

So you see, the way the wand works is: If I wave it in order to change something, and the thing doesn't change, then I must want whatever it is to be exactly the way it is. So then I have to deepen my understanding of myself about why whatever it is I want to change is actually exactly the way it's supposed to be, the best of all possibilities. And that makes me happy with things just the way they are.

I like my magic wand. There are times in my life I've gotten what I asked for, but not what I really wanted. With my magic wand, I will always get exactly what I want, even if it's not what I ask for.

So what it comes down to is faith in the magic that even though things on the surface might not be the way I would like them to be, they are the way they should be for me at this time in my life. Then, after faith, it takes understanding why these things really are the way they should be, and I learn to be happy with them for what they are.

I'm going to wave my wand now so that everyone can have a magic wand just like mine; so that everyone can make things exactly the way they want them to be, even if things are not the way they would ask them to be.

New Feature: Poem of the Week: Hug O' War

I will not play at tug o' war.

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

where everone hugs

instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

and rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

and everyone wins.

By: Shel Silverstein

From: Where the Sidewalk Ends

Sometimes I Wonder

There are a few things that have me flabbergasted.

Some of them seem to stand out.

I had to go to the DMV in Columbia this week. I went on Tuesday, stopping by during a break at work. 50 people standing in line; 1 person working behind the counter. I waited 45 minutes until I had to go back to work. Admittedly, it was lunch time. So I thought I would go back during a break in the middle of the afternoon thinking that the line would have thinned because of people like me getting back to work.

Nope.

Two and a half hours later, there were 60 people in line; 1 person working at the counter.

I decided to skip out of work 10 minutes early so I could get there right before they closed. Nothing doing. They closed 5 minutes early.

So I went back the next morning, deciding to call in late for work so that I could get everything done. The doors opened with about 10 people waiting outside. 4 people working behind the counter.

Where were all these DMV empoyees Tuesday?

And how do people in Columbia get anything done? No offense my Columbia readers, but I mean, geeze. Seriously, how do you people get anything done?

I told my tale of woe to a coworker who lives in Columbia. This person said to me, "Oh yeah, whenever I need to do anything with the DMV, I take the day off work."

Wow.

That's all I can say about that.

To be honest, Jefferson City's ain't all that much better.

So, one of the things that most amazes me is the DMV.

Anyway, I had to go to the DMV because I bought a motorcycle.

I'm a little bit twisted. I'll admit it.

I do things to Jacob just to see how he reacts.

For example, there is a little, yellow, rubber ducky that he loves to play with and chew on in the bathtub. I'll take it away from him and set it across the little child's tub he sits in just to see what he does. He gets so mad and starts splashing water everywhere.

The even more twisted part is, I think it's funny.

Jacob is starting to focus on things, not only visually, but mentally as well. For example, the other day he was wanting to chew on the cable from the controller to the Playstation. Lesley and I spent about five minutes trying to distract him from it. We presented him other toys, carried him across the room, and tried to hold him and cuddle him to get him to leave the cable alone.

He wanted that cable, by golly, and he was gonna get it. No matter what we did, he fought it. He would take the toy and toss it aside. We would carry him across the room; he would crawl right back. We tried to cuddle him in a different room; he would twist and squirm until we let him down. And then he started to crawl back to the living room! He wanted that cable!

That's a very good sign of development. It's called "permanence of memory." It means that he's beginning to create mental images of what he wants instead of just wanting whatever happens to be in front of him.

Anyway, there isn't much activity on the homefront. We just keep plugging away at life.