Lessons Learned

I've had my child in the world now a whole month, and there are some really cool things about being a dad. I know that this list is not exhaustive in any way. I also know that there are great things yet to come, but I thought I would share


THE TOP 10 COOLEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A DAD:

10. Being able to talk about poop and pee and farts in public places without being considered rude. This is a privilege only parents have.

9. Sometimes, when I'm holding Jacob, I look at his little face and can't help but laugh. He makes the funniest little faces. See:

8. A very cool thing has been watching Lesley with him. She used to get freaked out at the thought of poop and vomit. I actually watched him pee on her when she was bathing him. I guess the warm water relaxed him enough to erupt. She reached down with her hand and blocked the natural spring from getting all over the floor. She is amazing.

7. Watching his development, from a grey blob on an ultrasound to a miniature me with Lesley's eyes. Modern medicine is amazing.

6. Not being able to get a darn thing done. This is only my 4th in the countdown, but I've already had to get up and move away from this blog 6 times. And I'm about to take another break to feed him. Now, one could either get really annoyed by this, or one can decide that it is actually pretty cool just to be there for him. I've decided that it is actually pretty cool.


5. 3 words: Homer. Simpson. Slippers. Every dad wants 'em; every dad needs 'em.

4. The goodness of people is a very cool thing. It's something I've always known, but ever since Jacob came along, people have been acting like saints to Lesley and me. People are so good.

3. Getting the very best Christmas present this year than I have ever gotten in my life:

2. Staying up all night with a cranky baby. You know what: people might not think this is so cool, but the alternative is that Jacob is not here. It is very cool that he is here, even if he is cranky all night. I'd rather have him cranky than not have him at all.

1. The number one coolest thing about being a dad after just one month of experience: The profound sense of gratitude that swells up inside of me every time I look at him and Lesley. I have so much to be thankful for. I don't deserve anything. I have not earned the love that God has shown me. I am unworthy of the trust that he has placed in me, asking me to steward this little family. But here I am, challenged to live out a deeper integrity than I have ever lived before, and grateful for every second of my life, every friend, every kind word and generous act, and grateful for the life that I have been given. I wake up every morning grateful for the new grace that awaits me. I wake up every morning grateful.

So, there they are, the 10 coolest things about being a dad so far. One of the coolest things that should be on this list probably is the great gift of friendship that so many have offered. Thank you, my friends.

Thank you.

I'm Holding Him Now

As I type this sitting in our living room in the middle of the night because of a burst of activity in his diaper, I'm holding him close to me.

He's home.

It's 1:35 in the morning. I changed his diaper, but he only ate a little while ago, so I haven't fed him anything. I'm awake. He's floating somewhere between conscious and bliss (which consists of a pacifier, tightly swaddled blanket, and a clean diaper). I'm awake.

He's home.

He and I had a nap earlier today after getting home from the hospital. Lesley thougt it would be cute to get a picture of that. I have never been so tired, or so happy in my life.

He's home.

He looks so tiny in his bed. But he's in HIS bed.

He's home.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I don't know what else to say.

My son is home.

HE'S COMING HOME!!!

Maybe.

All of the nurses told us that a little guy like Jacob could be struggling and struggling and struggling, and then all of a sudden just decide, "OK, I'll eat now."

That's what Jacob did. My last update was written in near despair. He was having such a hard time catching his breath. We left that Monday night with heavy hearts. We went back on Tuesday and the little booger had been taken off his oxygen completely, was eating more, and more quickly than he had ever eaten, and was still just as cute as ever.

I can't help but think that his primary nurse, Erin, had something to do with it. She's the one I mentioned in my blog from Sunday, when I said leaving him there was more like leaving him in the care of a dear friend than the hands of a bunch of strangers. I'm going to start calling her "The Baby Whisperer."

He just decided he wanted to come home after all.

So here's the deal, if he does really well overnight tonight, (Thursday, 12/21), then tomorrow night we spend the night in the hospital with him in a special "Care by Parent" room, and we bring home Saturday morning.

Lesley's had some fun with him. He went off like Old Faithful while she was changing his diaper. We didn't get any pictures, though. Thankfully, he's as regular as Old Faithful is, too. But I don't think we'll have the camera ready.

He's so funny, and we can't wait until everyone gets to meet him. There are a few things we need to say up front, though. The nurses have told us that we are bringing him home in the middle of cold and flu season. While a cold or flu can be dangerous to a baby born at term, it can be deadly to a premie. So if you're sick, or if you've been sick, please be patient. He's not going anywhere for at least 18 years, so everyone will be able to meet him.

Also, we've been told that premies shouldn't be overstimulated. They're just not ready for a lot of googling and playing "Pass the Baby." We were told that too much stimulation can actually wear them down so much that they forget to breathe. So for the first couple of months we're going to keep his visitors per day down to a minimum, and of course, family always have first crack at him.

We've learned some interesting things about premies. Jacob was nearly 2 months early. That means that his development will actually seem like he is doing everything 2 months later than it feels like he should be. As far as he is concerned, from his birthday, he still had 2 months to do nothing but sleep and make mommy nauseous. He will crawl, get teeth, pretty much everything, later than it feels like he should, because his developmental age is 2 months younger than his actual age. I thought that was really interesting, but it makes sense.

Anyway, YOUR, OUR prayers have worked. We may have that special Christmas Present under the tree Christmas morning.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

He's not home yet. So keep praying. And even after he is home, you could say a few, too.

Thank you all.

Quick Update

Jacob is still on his oxygen support. The oxygen content in his blood bounces, especially after he's been active, had a lot of visitors, or has just eaten. By being active we mean after he has screamed bloody murder while having his diaper changed. He lay there so quiet and passive for so long, that I'm actually happy when I hear him scream now. That sounds really cruel, and it probably kind of is. But we talk him through this most traumatic event, and he settles down pretty quickly.

He's receiving oral feedings every other time now. The other feedings he receives through the tube that runs in his nose down to his stomach. They have increased the amount he's getting now to 40 cc's, or 1 and 1/3 ounces. That's good news.

Other than that, there's really no news. We're beginning to come to terms with the fact that he may not be home with us on Christmas. We keep praying though, and we know you will, too. There's still a week left.

We just miss our little boy. We want him home.

Sunday Sermon

I've been thinking a lot about a question Lesley and I get asked pretty frequently, "Why was Jacob born so early?"

The doctors and nurses have repeated the same thing to us. It comes down to we don't know. In most cases, one nurse even gave us the number of 90%, no reason is found for premature births.

I know the reason: Original Sin.

That may sound harsh at first, but let's review for a second what Original Sin is. Original sin is not sin by personal fault. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that Original Sin is "sin" only by analogy. Original Sin is that state of being into which we are born that is a fundamental lack of unity, unity with God, with our neighbor and our world, and with ourselves. This lack of unity causes suffering. Original Sin is the source of all suffering. Every bad thing that has ever happened finds its source in Original Sin.

We see the result of Original Sin in the physical world through such things as sickness, when the body is in disunity with itself. Some foreign element, such as a virus, causes the harmony naturally found within the body to become unbalanced. Or perhaps the body itself, such as in the case of cancer, is fighting against itself. These are no one's fault. It just happens. If humanity as a whole did not suffer Original Sin, there would be no colds, there would be no cancer.

In the birth of my son, we see the result of Original Sin in the fact that he was born premature. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't Lesley's fault. The doctors and nurses continue to say, "It's just something that happens sometimes, and we may never know why."

So this leads us to the next question, "Why would God allow these things to happen? Doesn't he have the power to stop them?"

Original Sin is the result of human choice. Humanity as a whole decided to separate ourselves from God. Which of us has not personally sinned? Except for Jesus, no one has deserved by his or her own merit to be free from the consequence of sin. Only Jesus has deserved this, which is why the ultimate consequences of Original Sin, suffering and death, could not bind him. He broke through suffering and death by the choices he made throughout his life on earth to obey completely the will of his Father. It was not only by his suffering and death that we were saved, but by his entire life as well. Just as all humanity chooses to be against God in the sin of one man, Adam, so all humanity has chosen to be with God in the obedience of one man, Christ.

Original Sin is the consequence of human choice, then. When God created us with free will, he bound his own power. He chose not to use his power to trump our free will. If God were to remove the consequences of our choice, in effect, he would remove the choice itself. What is a choice without consequences? It's not a choice at all.

So bad things happen as a result of that original human choice in Original Sin, and God permits these consequences to play out because he bound himself not to violate our freedom. God did not abandon us, though. Here is the real meaning of all of this.

God works in mysterious ways, so that the consequences of Original Sin do not have to devastate us as much as they could.

Years ago, God arranged that I would develop a friendship with a family who has all-wheel drive vehicles so that Lesley and I could get to the hospital after the worst snow storm in 10 years. God gave us friends that would suffer great personal risk to help us.

The worst snow storm in 10 years occurred the day before my son was born. I was scheduled to work from 4 to midnight that Friday evening. Am I saying God sent the snow storm? No. But it's interesting to me how every street and every driveway had been plowed clean that Friday morning, every street and every driveway except our street and our driveway. Why did those who were responsible for cleaning our subdivision not clean ours? I couldn't get Lesley's 4-wheel-drive SUV out of the driveway to go to work, because whoever was responsible for clearing our street and driveway didn't do it. Who knows what might have happened if I had gone to work that day?

God has surrounded us with friends years ago who can, despite our sin, still love us and be incredibly generous to us, supporting us through prayer and gifts for Jacob, opening their homes to us in Columbia, preparing meals for us so that we can eat when we are home without needing to put much effort into preparing our meals. We are not alone as we suffer through the hospitalization of our son because of the friends God has placed in our lives long ago.

God placed a family in my life, one of whom works as a nurse at the NICU at Columbia Regional, so that leaving Jacob there doesn't feel like we are leaving him in the hands of strangers, but rather in the care of a dear friend.

God allowed Lesley and I to be born into families who are able to love us despite our sin, to forgive us and welcome us as members of each other's families. He did that years ago, before we were even conscious of his love.

God has been working throughout our lives to make sure that Lesley and I are capable of handling this situation, surrounding us with family and friends who love us so that we do not have to be alone in this struggle.

God, because of his choice to bind his own power, could not stop the premature birth of our son. God can, because of his all knowing and all powerful love, ease the suffering by working for us, even years ago, in ways that we could not comprehend.

This is how God works, "He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Not Much To Report

That pretty much says it all.

Jacob's continuing to improve. He's still on oxygen support, although we think the fluid in his lungs is nearly completely gone. What caused the concern is that his oxygen levels would bounce if he got really active and immediately after he ate. Through the bouncing, though, he would maintain a good pink color (no turning blue or anything like that).

He's been out of his heated bed since yesterday, and continues to keep his body temperature up in the normal range. They've gone to feeding him every other time with the bottle. They've increased his food amount. When he first started bottle feeding last week he would take only 6 cc's of milk. When we left him today, he was up to 35. Just so you know, 30 cc's equals 1 ounce. Basically, right now, he's eating a little over an ounce of food every three hours.

His weight dropped a little, but that was because of the medicine they gave him to get the fluid out of his lungs. The medicine is meant to dehydrate him so that his body will pull the fluid from his little lungs itself. In doing so, however, he lost some water weight.

There's still some really good hope that he'll be home by Christmas. This week's attending physician (they switch the lead doctor weekly) seemed pretty positive today. "He's doing really well," she said, "and there's still 10 days before Christmas."

So, we keep praying, we know you keep praying for him and us. Thank you all so much for that.

3 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

Jacob has made some serious progress forward. He is taking his bottle at every other feeding now. That's awesome. He's been taken out of his isolette and is kept warm and cozy, wrapped up in blankets. This means he's been maintaining his body temperature well. He's had the IV in his arm taken out. These are all really positive steps.

He's taken a small step backwards. He had some fluid on his lungs. They had to put him back on his oxygen support. They've given him some medication to bring the fluid out of his lungs, and hopefully he will be able to go back to breathing room air tomorrow (Thursday 12/14).

Over all, really great positive steps, and one minor misstep. We're still hoping he will be home by Christmas.

Thanks for all the support you've shown us. Thanks especially for your prayers.

An Over-Exciting Day

Jacob had a big day yesterday. Some family was alowed in to see him, and he pooped!

He had pooped a couple of times early in his hospital stay, but hadn't dumped for about a week. Yesterday, the nurse described it as "explosive." Good for him. He got that from mommy!

He had some visitors from Lesley's family. Right now, family is really all that is allowed in to see him. A lot of folks have asked if they could stop by for a visit. One of the things that they told us about premies is that they're really not supposed to be over-stimulated. A lot of handling and oohing and aahing will zap their energy.

So all that was going on yesterday with his visitors, but he hung on a like a champ. As soon as we can, we will let people know when they can come and see him. It might be when he gets home, in which case we'll be inviting people over for dinner.

They have reduced his bottle feeds to one a day, which is a minor set-back from how he was doing. Again, they said that's not all that uncommon. Before they feed him, they pull the food contents from his stomach up through the tube running down his nose, just to see how much of it he has digested. We need him to digest a little more, but he's actually doing pretty good.

Thanks for the prayers. They really are working. Please keep them up so we can have a special present under the tree Christmas morning.

A Popular Name for A Popular Baby

A recent MSN article relates the top 10 baby names picked in 2006. Coming in at a whopping number 2 is "Jacob."

Jacob is actually a Hebrew name from which the name James is derived. It means "usurper" or "supplanter."

We gave him the middle name Marion because that is my grandfather's name, and my Papa is the closest thing to a real father I've had since my biological father left when I was in kindergarten. I wanted to honor him and thank him for his influence on me.

Update!

He's off his supplemental oxygen. He's got that unicorn horn of an IV tube out of his forehead. He got to eat today! Now we are watching his temperature to make sure that he can maintain it on his own. And we are going to begin looking for consistent weight gain.

Thanks for the prayers. Their working. Please, keep them up.

Frequently Asked Question

We've had some Frequently Asked Questions, and so I've decided to put the answers here.

The number one question we get asked is: Do we need anything?

NO CLOTHES!!!!

The boy's not even a week old and he's got more clothes than Lesley!

We do need prayers for Jacob for a speedy strengthening. To answer another FAQ, "When will we get to bring him home?" We honestly don't know. We've been told everything from, "It could be a minimum of two weeks," to "He'll be there until his due date (January 18)."

We desperately want him home for Christmas. You know what they say, "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

We hope he will wake up with us on Christmas morning. The worst in our case is that he will be there until mid-January. We will not bring him home early just to be with us; that would be selfish. We know it is better for him to be strong when he comes home. We continue to hope, though.

If you could pray that he gets strong quickly, that's what we need more than anything.

Another question that we've been asked is "Why was he born premature?" We've asked that question ourselves. The answer is, we do not know why he was born so premature. The doctors and nurses have told us that in the majority of premature births, a reason is never discovered. It's just something that happens sometimes.

We want to reiterate our thanks to everyone. Once again, we really don't need anything except your prayers and friendship, which we know we already have. Thank you all so much for all that you have already done for us.

And the last frequently asked question, "How is he doing?"

He's been moved to the lowest level of oxygen support, and will soon be taken off of it.

Tomorrow (Thursday 12/7) he will have another ultrasound of his heart to make sure the hole is closed. If it is, then he will begin to eat tomorrow, which means they can begin to look for weight gain soon.

Mommy was with him almost all day today, and got to hold him pretty much the whole time they were together. We thought it would be several days before we would get to hold him, considering the jaundice and all. The entire time he was out of the isolette (his special heated bed), his temperature maintained a consistent 98.6. That's very good news. He was wrapped up in blankets the whole time, so he was pretty cozy. The only thing that does is make me jealous. I wish I could spend all day wrapped up nice and cozy in my blankets.

Admit it, you do, too.

He had an IV tube inserted into the vein in his forward. You know, the one that pulses when he gets mad. They said that would be removed either tonight (Wednesday 12/6) or tomorrow morning. They were using it to administer his medication.

Well, that's all the news from Lake Woebegone, you know, where all the children are above average.

We love you all.

An Update

Jacob is doing fine.

One of the doctors made the comment that he was very pleased with how quickly Jacob was able to come off the ventilator.

It was a bit of shock seeing him yesterday. He was on an oxygen tube to help sustain the oxygen in his blood. It was a small thing that wrapped around his head and was inserted into the nose. When we went to see him yesterday, they had removed the small tube and replaced it with a huge monstrosity of a thing that has to be held in place by a cap that he wears. When I expressed my shock, they said it is actually a step up from what he was on before. I've noticed it myself. The first, smaller oxygen tube was held firmly in place. This larger one is much more loose, so that it easily falls out. The good thing is that when it falls out of his nose, his oxygen levels remain consistent for a good period of time.

They did find a "hole" in Jacob's heart. This "hole" is part of an unborn baby's normal circulatory system. For children who are born at term, it closes either right before birth, or right after. Because Jacob is so premature, they have administered a medicine to tell his body to close this hole. This hole allowed un-oxygenated blood to circulate back into his body. When it closes, all un-oxygenated blood will go to the lungs to receive oxygen, and then it will go back through the heart. This will also help him maintain his blood oxygen levels.

I mentioned earlier that he had blood in his urine, and that this is also normal for children who are born premature. Well, all blood is gone out of his urine now. However, as long as he is on the medicine closing the hole in his heart, he will continue to receive his nutrients intravenously. The hope is that he will be able to start eating within a couple of days, possibly Thursday or Friday.

He is continuing to maintain his body temperature with the help of a heat lamp. He won't be able to do this independently until he can eat, and put a little meat on his body, some fat to help insulate himself. His birthweight was 4 pounds, 7 ounces. He has actually lost weight at the moment. This is normal, as well. When born, his little body was saturated with fluid from being in the womb. As that fluid has been excreted through the bowels or evaporated from his skin, he lost fluid weight, but not essential weight. As I said, hopefully, he will be able to start eating on Thursday or Friday, and begin gaining fat weight, which is necessary and very cute.

You know it, we all love fat babies.

He is jaundiced right now, which is very common even for term babies. He gets to spend his days underneath a specialized "tanning lamp." It gives him all the good light of the sun without any of the harmful rays. So he really won't be tan when he's done, but he will be less yellow.

We got to hold him the other day, but only for a brief time. Until the jaundice is relieved, we won't be able to hold him again, but hopefully by then he will be off the supplemental oxygen as well, and able to eat.

Now, here's what you've all been waiting for:

A Bit of a Surprise

We had a bit of a surprise this weekend. About 3:00 Friday afternoon, Lesley started having contractions. We called the doctor, who was not too concerned. She advised Lesley to take a couple of Tylenol and a hot bath, drink some water, and relax. If the contractions were still happening in a couple of hours, we should come to the hospital.

5:00 rolls around and Lesley is still having contractions, except now they are 3 minutes apart and intensely painful. We call the doctor who tells us to come to the hospital as soon as possible.

Problem: Our street had not been cleared of snow from the worst snow storm in ten years, and we couldn't get our car out of the driveway. We called our good friends Paul and Becki Rockers, who owned an all-wheel drive vehicle, and Paul braved the icy streets to come to pick us up. Lesley and I walked through the snow to an area of our subdivision, about 50 yards, to a place where the street had been cleared, where Paul picked us up and took us to St. Mary's.

When we described what was happening, the nurse's began to move a little more quickly. They examined Lesley, and told us that she was indeed in real labor and that we would be having a baby that evening.

And so it was.

For the guys, Jacob Marion Smith was born. Pictures are attached.

For the ladies, he was 4 pounds, 7 ounces, with a thin layer of dark hair. Our doctor was Dr. Dodson. He was delivered through c-section because he was breech. Lesley should be released Monday (12/4) from St. Mary's. Jacob was transported up to Columbia Regional's Newborn Intensive Care Unit, where he will have to stay for a minimum of 2 weeks, and possibly until his due date of January 18. All of the nurses have said that 4.7 is a good weight for a 33 week premie. There are four things he will need to do before he can come home with us. He has to be able to maintain his own body temperature, which they said he is doing fairly well, but some improvement will be good. They said he needs to be able to eat, about which they also said that it wouldn't be a problem because he is sucking on his pacifier like a champ. They said he needs to be able to sustain consistent weight gain. We don't know about that yet because they haven't fed him yet as a there was blood in his urine. The amount of blood in his urine has been steadily decreasing, and we can begin feeding him as soon as the blood is gone. The blood, they said, was a normal consequence of the physical trauma that he endured, being born so premature. Lastly, he needs to be able to maintain a healthy amount of oxygen in his blood, which is the number one thing they are watching right now. They said he seems to be doing well with that, but again, they are hoping for consistent improvement there.

Thank you all for your love and support. Thanks especially to Paul and Becki, without whom we wouldn't have gotten to the hospital. Thanks to our Columbia friends, who have invited us into their homes to ease the commute for us. Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support. Please keep praying. Jacob isn't in any immediate, severe danger, but he needs your prayers to make it through this difficult strengthening period.